One of my closest friends, an attorney based in Mumbai, has been in an open relationship for the past four years. Recently, on my visit to the city, I had a long discussion with him over the dynamics of the relationships.
For context, we have been friends for over a decade, and he has always been in monogamous relationships. And then a few years ago, he met someone special – that really changed everything.
Initially, they kept things monogamous for a few months, but it wasn’t working out – especially considering both of them wanted to explore outside.
Today, they have moved in together and live happily, but at the same time, respect each other’s space. I have closely observed their relationship for years, and it’s so much healthier than people in a monogamous relationship trying to cheat at every given opportunity.
So, what is an open relationship? How does it work? And do you think you can be in one? Let’s find out!
What Is An Open Relationship?
Open relationships are specifically a type of consensual non-monogamy. In these relationships, either one or both partners can easily pursue sex and emotional attachments, even with others.
These relationships differ from the swinging culture, where partners in a relationship get involved with one another sexually at different parties.
In such cases, relationships are usually very sexual. Also, they are different from polyamory, where all partners can pursue multiple committed relationships simultaneously.
Moreover, open relationships are usually a sort of middle ground – on one side, you have polyamory, and on the other side, you have swinging.
So, while swingers keep their other relationships limited to sex with others, and polyamory is about being committed to multiple people romantically, open relationships are somewhat different.
People in open relationships develop physical intimacy with others they are attracted to – the twist? These relationships need to stay casual.
Types Of Open Relationship:
Any couple can choose to be in an open relationship – whether casually dating, committed, or even married. These relationships include:
- People who date casually outside their relationship or marriage.
- Individuals who pursue a romantic relationship outside their current relationship or marriage.
- People who are physically involved with others outside their relationship or marriage.
What Is An Open Relationship? The Benefits Of Being In One:
There are different reasons why someone might want to have an open relationship. When such relationships happen in a space characterized by mutual respect and consent, it comes with several benefits.
Perhaps the most obvious benefit is sexual contentment.
When it comes to intimacy and sexuality, humans tend to crave it – and that too with more than one person. Finding someone new to explore more sexually is an excellent way to crave something new.
Moreover, it is so much easier to satisfy the needs of your partner – only if they tell you what they desire, instead of putting you in a position of guesswork. Most open relationships let partners come clean about what they want from a relationship.
Also, such relationships allow non-monogamous people to express their needs and identity without any fear. They don’t really hide their crushes or extra-marital affairs from their actual partners. As a result, this led to fewer emotional disappointments.
What Is An Open Relationship? The Potential Pitfalls Of Being In One:
Of course, open relationships have their own set of problems and risks, much different from monogamy.
Jealousy is perhaps the first major issue. This is because most people are raised in a conventional and monogamous environment where jealousy can quickly arise. In non-monogamy, the same people deal with the expectation of not being jealous for the first time.
On that note, remember that jealousy is typically rooted in feelings of not really being enough, which in itself depends on the notion that your partner should be your only priority and vice versa.
Moreover, negative feelings towards people your partner is casually dating can stem from an increase in vulnerability.
Once you start learning how to navigate and negotiate the different aspects of your relationship explicitly, you can explore and express emotions that you haven’t examined in the past. This makes many people feel angry, anxious, or even emotionally withdrawn.
So, if you have been facing these issues and are still hoping to explore non-monogamy or open relationships specifically, you and your partner can opt for couples therapy to help both of you overcome such emotions.
Apart from emotional pitfalls, having several sexual partners increases the risk of STIs (sexually transmitted infections). As a result, it’s vital for everyone to practice safe sex with the right protection and get regularly tested.
Is An Open Relationship Right For You?
Some people are aware from very early on about their non-monogamous desires, in spite of growing up amidst conventional expectations related to monogamy and marriage.
There are others who dip into such relationships due to their circumstances, such as crushing on anyone new or because some potential partner is able to present a possibility.
Here’s a common scenario: for instance, a couple has been dating for some years and starts losing passion.
It is possible that either both or one of the patterns might develop a crush on a different person. And then one of them starts acting on their feelings – the result? An affair.
To resolve, or rather avoid, this issue, the couple in question might open their relationship.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the right way to open your relationship. This is particularly true for relationships that have undergone infidelity.
In such cases, it is best to solve the actual underlying problem first instead of disguising the same by opening the relationship to outsiders.
More often than not, this leads to breakups or even divorces.
Having said that, in some cases, this kind of approach also allows both individuals to open the relationship positively – in such cases, the positivity depends on each other’s levels of commitment, love, and trust.
Also Check: Situationships: Are These Kind Of Relationships Always Unhealthy?
Questions To Ask Before Considering An Open Relationship
So, in case your answer is ‘yes’ to the questions I’ve mentioned below, there’s a good probability that open relationships might be excellent for you:
- Are you genuinely interested in exploring non-monogamy? And so does your partner?
- Did you experience infidelity and broken trust in your relationship, and considering opening your relationship as a result?
- Do your sexual needs and orientations align with those of your partner?
- Can you openly communicate with your partner?
- Can you handle jealousy in your relationship? And that too with a healthy approach?
- Does your relationship have a solid foundation built with trust and honesty?
Are People Actually Saying ‘Yes’ To Open Relationships?
Needless to say, there’s plenty of stigma and issues around non-monogamy. Everyone isn’t willing to acknowledge what they really want or even admit that they want to explore open relationships, or even other types of non-monogamous relationships.
However, research by academic and non-profit organizations has given us an idea of how many adults engage in non-monogamous relationships.
In fact, a 2017 study published in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy highlighted that around one in every five adults has been in some sort of open relationship at least once in their lifetime.
Then, in a 2019 study that VeryWellMind quoted in their blog on Open Relationships, I read that among adults in Canada, 2.4% of respondents reported being in some form of open relationship.
Another survey, Young Americans are less wedded to monogamy than their elders, published in 2016, states that 38% of men and 31% of women prefer non-monogamy. Generally, younger respondents were more inclined to prefer non-monogamy than the older audience.
One thing is clear: people want to try it out, but it’s the stigma around the conversation that people want to avoid.
