- Throning is all about dating a person specifically for power, influence, and social status.
- According to relationship experts, this is a superficial way to find love and fails to foster healthy relationships.
- However, is there any difference between throning and just having high standards?
I don’t know about you. But these theories and trends about modern love and dating are starting to drive me crazy! Apparently, every relationship pattern is now a TikTok trend – a branded concept, to be honest.
As a result, I am not surprised that it’s time to unpack yet another TikTok dating trend – throning has taken the entire internet by storm very recently. And it has already pissed me off!
According to Siddharrth S. Kumaar, a relationship specialist, “Throning is dating someone who, via association, increases your reputation and ego (as told to HT).”
So, people date with the main intention of climbing up the social ladder – sounds so authentic and healthy!
The primary motivation behind this toxic trend typically stems from a strong desire for validation, influence, and exclusive access to powerful social circles.
The issue here is simple – relationships that are based solely on social validation lack strong foundational values. This includes shared interests, intimacy, and affection. In fact, throning will prioritize influence over authentic connection.
It is possible that you have witnessed or experienced something like this. I think this trend is a lot like idolization. Also, I think if someone does place you on a pedestal or you do the same, both of you are in for a tragedy!
Stay tuned as I unpack throning and the toxicity associated with the same. In my blog on modern dating, today, I’ll talk about:
- What is throning?
- Throning Vs. Hypergamy.
- Do you have high standards? Is it different from throning?
What Is Throning? A Comprehensive Discussion
Kesley Wonderlin, a therapist dating coach, defined throning with Cosmopolitan.
During her discussion, she said, “throning is when you intentionally date someone with social clout, influence, or popularity to boost your own image and social standing. The focus is on the benefits of being associated with your partner, rather than being with your partner as an individual.”
So, you are essentially putting your date on a throne, or a pedestal. It’s the same as dating or marrying someone for climbing the social ladder – it could be for an elevated social class or clout.
While this trend is literally what kings and kingdoms thrived on hundreds of years ago, the modern dating subculture makes it part of concepts like high-value dating.
FYI, high-value dating is all about encouraging singles to go for high-value mates. Here, value is typically determined by social clout, looks, and obviously, money!
If it does sound somewhat toxic, many people would actually agree with you. In this context, Amie Leadingham, a relationship coach, told Cosmopolitan, “When someone is throning you, they’re attracted to what you have or what you represent, not who you actually are. You’re more like a trophy or an accessory to make them look better.”
And while being treated like a prize doesn’t sound bad, especially for people who have never felt appreciated in relationships, it is vital to remember that all the praise is actually performative. And we all know that performance does wear off – it doesn’t really last!
Moreover, even if someone is publicly bombarding you with attention, they might make you feel unappreciated and unseen behind closed doors.
Also, after a while, you will realize that someone is only chasing you for different superficial reasons. It is normal to question your worth – are you only worth what you offer externally?
Throning Vs. Hypergamy
Like I was just saying, throning is a new term – but dating for status or money isn’t anything new. In fact, throughout history, this emerges in so many cultures – and the term for it is hypergamy.
Hypergamy literally means marrying for an elevated social status. And this was very common, especially for forging relationships. I mean, the Egyptian Queen Cleopatra did marry Mark Anthony, the immensely powerful Roman general.
Then, if you look closely at all the Victorian books, the female protagonists all end up marrying someone wealthy and powerful – whether it’s Mrs Bennett’s obsession with getting her daughters married to powerful men or Jane Eyre’s love for Mr. Rochester, it all leads to hypergamy.
Still, when it comes to throning in modern love, it does highlight certain toxic parts of the current dating culture.
In this context, Leadingham told Cosmopolitan, “Traditional hypergamy was often about long-term security – finding a partner who could provide stability, opportunity, or a better life. But throning is short-term and appearance-driven, tied completely to how a relationship looks online or to social circles.”
In addition, throning might also be the result of social media’s powerful influence on how society works now – the pressure people feel to project a perfect picture of their lives on social media platforms.
Throners also try to curate their romantic relationship in the same way they curate their grid and online presence.
Do You Have High Standards? Is It Different From Throning?
While throning does have a toxic reputation, it is also worth noting that this dating trend overlaps with certain healthy dating practices known for encouraging singles to look for partners who meet their ‘high’ standards.
These dating practices are also all about not settling for anything less, just for being in a relationship.
Having said that, it is vital to understand that there is a major distinction between throning and having high standards. While having high standards is all about finding someone who truly values you, throning involves using someone like an accessory for rising up in life.
So, if you are seeking someone who meets your ‘high’ standards and date intentionally, then you are looking for someone who can offer stability for a long-term, healthy relationship. There’s no wrong in looking for someone who shares your values and is compatible with you.
But with throning, you are screening on the basis of superficial parameters of status. This includes a person’s social media following, job title, appearance, network, and how they can improve your image.
As a result, one thing stands out: throning is one-sided and transactional. But having high standards is good – it only means you are aware of yout worth and will not settle for anything less.
10 Signs Someone Is Throning You
While it is easy to talk about what throning means, it can be difficult to spot the signs. And that is precisely what I have laid down all the major signs that someone is actually using you to climb the social ladder:
- They will tell you they are actually throning you – they might say it out loud and then call it a joke.
- Since people like to talk about what they care about the most, they will mention your social status several times. Moreover, they will ask questions about your status.
- Compliments are much like sugar – perfect when sprinkled, but icky when overused. So, they will flatter you excessively and brag about you to others.
- They will always be very nice to you in public. But in private, things might be very different because they will not want others to see how they treat you.
- Such people are usually overly concerned and self-centered about their reputation. Plus, they love talking about themselves, their problems, and how life is unfair to them.
- They are very calculative and cold. And this side suddenly becomes obvious when you least expect it – the mask slips from time to time.
- You will also notice that they don’t really care about you as a person – they are not with you for an emotional connection, but rather for your social status and influence.
- When you are going through a hard time, do they even lift a finger? They aren’t actually there for you when you need them.
- With your help, they will also meet others like you, and you can understand this by their curiosity about others. How much money do your friends make? Are they important?
- These people have a history of throning – they have done it before and will do it again if needed.
Ditch Throning And Find Love Instead
Throning is toxic – and there’s no denying it. In fact, I can’t help but ask: what will happen when the person you are throning ultimately falls from the pedestal? What happens when they finally crack?
Real humans have real needs – they also have real flaws. And inevitably, these will appear once you have been together for some time – and vice versa.
If you want my two cents, I would request you to find someone who actually values the real you. Love should be about valuing someone for who they are – complete with their flaws – and not how you can help them. Of course, it can be difficult initially, but with time, the truth will appear.
What about you? Do you think that these toxic dating trends and TikTok are ruining romance? I love vague discussions – so feel free to share your thoughts and slide into my DM!
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