Frankly, I had no idea what Sledging was all about – at least inside the dating dictionary.
Interestingly, while I was doing some research on the infamous cuffing season, I stumbled upon its evil twin, Sledging.
This toxic variant of cuffing season refers to the act of getting involved with someone romantically while intending to end things by the time winter ends.
While there is nothing harmful about seasonal flings, the problem with this dating trend is that one person is completely unaware of their partner’s true intentions.
So, while one partner has no knowledge that their love story has an expiry date, the other person is mentally prepared to let the relationship go at the end of winter – not that fair, right?
While this is something relatable and most of us have been in winter flings that didn’t end well, I had no idea that this was a dating trend.
But now that I know, there’s no way I’m not gonna talk about it.
In this blog, I’ll break down this toxic dating trend, dissecting why it happens, the psychology behind it, and most importantly, where to draw the line.
Stay tuned.
What Is Sledging?
The term ‘Sledging’ has been derived from the literal action of dragging a British ‘sledge’ through snow.
In this case, the implication is that a sledger is dragging you along through snow during winter with any actual intention of building something meaningful.
Interestingly, many of us are under the impression that cuffing season usually arrives with fall and winter and ends with spring or summer.
But there seems to be a primary distinction between sledging and cuffing.
Cuffing relationships are mostly open-ended with the potential to progress into something long-term that can last beyond winter. So, while the cuffing season organically ends before spring or summer, the actual distinction is all about intent.
If the plan was to simply end things at the end of winter, so you are not alone during the holidays, then that is not cuffing. Instead, it’s sledging.
Having said that, I do think that in the majority of cases, it is not as sadistic as it might sound right now.
The Role Of Intention:
Of course, it is difficult to prove your intention always. More importantly, sometimes it can get more difficult to identify intent, even if it’s inside you.
Also, this is especially true when it involves anything as emotionally fraught and nuanced as modern love and relationships.
In that case, the question to ask would be: Are you getting into relationships during cuffing season with the premeditated and active intention of ending things after a few months, while hiding your true intentions from your partner?
Perhaps, you are. And if you are, then you are sledging – it is not only toxic but downright harmful.
However, in most cases, the person who is sledging is not even consciously aware of what they are doing, at least not entirely.
As a result, the person who is getting sledged in the relationship is also the one who identifies it. Moreover, this is just a more refined form of a seasonal situationship.
Similarly, in any situation, the person who calls it so is the one who is more invested and feels like they are not getting all that they deserve.
Also, this is the same person who feels led on, much like how someone who is getting sledged feels.
The other person in the relationship is just going to explain this as ‘dating’ and how they are ‘casually hanging out,’
To summarize, the person hoping for a cuffing season relationship to turn into something long-term is the one who ends up getting sledged. And the sledger? For them, it’s a seasonal fling that has run its course (a course that was supposed to last for a few months as intended from the very beginning)
Is Your ‘New’ Boyfriend Sledging? Here’s Why!
According to a survey by Happn featuring more than 600 active daters aged 18 to 25, 15% of participants led on their seasonal partners to avoid annoying statements like ‘why are you still single?’ Other reasons include companionship and sex.
Moreover, 50% of people who have done sledging said that they need a companion for cuddling during winter.
Similarly, 60% sledgers said that they wanted someone they could sleep with, A.K.A have sex with. Also, 40% sledgers claimed that they just didn’t want to be alone.
Regardless of the season, there are multiple reasons why someone can opt for a seasonal fling.
While the cold temperatures and holiday seasons only act as catalysts, here’s why people actively participate in sledging every year:
1. The Need To Not Be Alone:
It just feels shitty when you are alone, and everyone around you is enjoying the holidays with someone special.
And you? Stuck with Chinese takeout, stupid television, and an ache in your belly that you know stems from loneliness.
It is only normal to install Hinge and scroll through a few options that can distract you enough for the holidays to pass – I get it!
2. Having A Date For Events And Parties:
As a 29-year-old, I can tell you that those holiday parties that are still tolerable at 25 are going to be your nightmare in five more years.
For starters, nobody really likes each other, and it feels so much better to have a companion by your side. And it’s fine if the relationship won’t last.
TBH, it should last long enough for people not to notice how you have turned up alone when you are of a ‘marriageable age.’
3. Having A Warm Body To Cuddle With:
Sure, you can buy yourself a thick coat or a fancy electric blanket to stay warm during winter.
But your thick coat and electric blanket will not cuddle with you, or hold your hand, or take you out on weekends.
I really understand that most people end up getting into relationships during winter because they get lonely.
And nobody wants to be alone in their bed with a freezing pillow to hold. Instead, you need another human being beside you to cuddle with!
4. The Need For Sex On Demand:
All three things I talked about above are important. But this one? The most important point of even being in a short-term fling is to have sex on demand.
Don’t believe me? Well, the truth is, anyone can be in a relationship just for sex. I know it sounds shocking, but this is the reality. And if not now, you will know I am right someday.
Naturally, when you are just using apps to hook up, it is not always safe. There are so many things that can go wrong.
As a result, it is best to find one person to have sex with during the holidays.
Also Check: Shrekking: The Dating Trend For People Who Are Tired Of Trying Too Hard
Signs You Are Getting Sledged:
If you want to avoid getting sledged, then it is super important that you look for the signs in a new relationship.
Hopefully, with my help, you can identify whether your partner is sledging you or if you are in a real relationship with a potential future.
So, without wasting time, let’s look at the different signs that indicate you are getting sledged in a relationship:
- Your partner doesn’t talk about the relationship’s future. And by future, I mean making plans beyond New Year’s Day or even Valentine’s Day.
- The relationship is mostly physical. So, if both of you are always horny and discussing sex, it shows that apart from physical intimacy, you guys have nothing to talk about.
- You guys don’t have a shared vision or values. As a result, if you guys don’t have anything real, then things aren’t looking that great for the relationship’s future.
- Your partner lacks interest in your daily life – it’s just bad if you share about work, and your partner shuts you down. Moreover, the same is applicable specifically for moments where you are sharing your achievements with them. Are they happy or nonchalant?
- It is possible that your partner expresses irritation or disgust when you do something that ticks them off – for example, heavy sighs and highly critical feedback.
- Your partner isn’t really great at long-term relationships and has done this before. So, if you thought you were special, then think about their dating patterns.
Avoid Sledging, And Be Honest About Your Intentions:
I don’t want to sit on a high horse and defend sledging when I have been in multiple situationships for years.
Moreover, I am not going to invest time arguing how your partner is cruel and careless for ignoring your needs in a relationship, even if it’s a new equation.
Instead, I am here to acknowledge that modern love is hard and dating can get complicated. Rarely, it is something simple like falling into a trap and transforming into a victim – what I am saying is it’s as simple as black and white. It’s all grey, really.
Of course, it is easy to call everything toxic and move on. But the harsh reality is that situationships and sledging aren’t really the result of intentional cruelty.
Instead, it’s the result of avoidance and poor communication – and that too from both sides.
So, whether you realize you are the sledger or the one who is getting sledged, the solution is to be transparent about your feelings.
Moreover, you need to be honest about your expectations from a relationship. I know it’s easier said than done, but to avoid and delay would be more painful. So, let’s just put our best foot forward and practice cuffing, but in good faith.
