Pebbling In Dating: The Small Gesture That Builds Real Connection
Pebbling is all about small gestures that can help you build a real connection - and not just in love but even in your friendships. Scroll down for a detailed breakdown and discussion.
Sledging is the more toxic and rightful evil twin of Cuffing season. Scroll down to understand while I dissect why people are getting involved in seasonal situationships.
Frankly, I had no idea what Sledging was all about - at least inside the dating dictionary.
Interestingly, while I was doing some research on the infamous cuffing season, I stumbled upon its evil twin, Sledging.
This toxic variant of cuffing season refers to the act of getting involved with someone romantically while intending to end things by the time winter ends.
While there is nothing harmful about seasonal flings, the problem with this dating trend is that one person is completely unaware of their partner’s true intentions.
So, while one partner has no knowledge that their love story has an expiry date, the other person is mentally prepared to let the relationship go at the end of winter - not that fair, right?
While this is something relatable and most of us have been in winter flings that didn’t end well, I had no idea that this was a dating trend.
But now that I know, there’s no way I’m not gonna talk about it.
In this blog, I’ll break down this toxic dating trend, dissecting why it happens, the psychology behind it, and most importantly, where to draw the line.
Stay tuned.
What Is Sledging?
The term ‘Sledging’ has been derived from the literal action of dragging a British ‘sledge’ through snow.
In this case, the implication is that a sledger is dragging you along through snow during winter with any actual intention of building something meaningful.
Interestingly, many of us are under the impression that cuffing season usually arrives with fall and winter and ends with spring or summer.
But there seems to be a primary distinction between sledging and cuffing.
Cuffing relationships are mostly open-ended with the potential to progress into something long-term that can last beyond winter. So, while the cuffing season organically ends before spring or summer, the actual distinction is all about intent.
If the plan was to simply end things at the end of winter, so you are not alone during the holidays, then that is not cuffing. Instead, it’s sledging.
Having said that, I do think that in the majority of cases, it is not as sadistic as it might sound right now.
The Role Of Intention:
Of course, it is difficult to prove your intention always. More importantly, sometimes it can get more difficult to identify intent, even if it's inside you.
Also, this is especially true when it involves anything as emotionally fraught and nuanced as modern love and relationships.
In that case, the question to ask would be: Are you getting into relationships during cuffing season with the premeditated and active intention of ending things after a few months, while hiding your true intentions from your partner?
Perhaps, you are. And if you are, then you are sledging - it is not only toxic but downright harmful.
However, in most cases, the person who is sledging is not even consciously aware of what they are doing, at least not entirely.
As a result, the person who is getting sledged in the relationship is also the one who identifies it. Moreover, this is just a more refined form of a seasonal situationship.
Similarly, in any situation, the person who calls it so is the one who is more invested and feels like they are not getting all that they deserve.
Also, this is the same person who feels led on, much like how someone who is getting sledged feels.
The other person in the relationship is just going to explain this as ‘dating’ and how they are ‘casually hanging out,’
To summarize, the person hoping for a cuffing season relationship to turn into something long-term is the one who ends up getting sledged. And the sledger? For them, it’s a seasonal fling that has run its course (a course that was supposed to last for a few months as intended from the very beginning)
Is Your ‘New’ Boyfriend Sledging? Here’s Why!
According to a survey by Happn featuring more than 600 active daters aged 18 to 25, 15% of participants led on their seasonal partners to avoid annoying statements like ‘why are you still single?’ Other reasons include companionship and sex.
Moreover, 50% of people who have done sledging said that they need a companion for cuddling during winter.
Similarly, 60% sledgers said that they wanted someone they could sleep with, A.K.A have sex with. Also, 40% sledgers claimed that they just didn’t want to be alone.
Regardless of the season, there are multiple reasons why someone can opt for a seasonal fling.
While the cold temperatures and holiday seasons only act as catalysts, here’s why people actively participate in sledging every year:
1. The Need To Not Be Alone:
It just feels shitty when you are alone, and everyone around you is enjoying the holidays with someone special.
And you? Stuck with Chinese takeout, stupid television, and an ache in your belly that you know stems from loneliness.
It is only normal to install Hinge and scroll through a few options that can distract you enough for the holidays to pass - I get it!
2. Having A Date For Events And Parties:
As a 29-year-old, I can tell you that those holiday parties that are still tolerable at 25 are going to be your nightmare in five more years.
For starters, nobody really likes each other, and it feels so much better to have a companion by your side. And it’s fine if the relationship won't last.
TBH, it should last long enough for people not to notice how you have turned up alone when you are of a ‘marriageable age.’
3. Having A Warm Body To Cuddle With:
Sure, you can buy yourself a thick coat or a fancy electric blanket to stay warm during winter.
But your thick coat and electric blanket will not cuddle with you, or hold your hand, or take you out on weekends.
I really understand that most people end up getting into relationships during winter because they get lonely.
And nobody wants to be alone in their bed with a freezing pillow to hold. Instead, you need another human being beside you to cuddle with!
4. The Need For Sex On Demand:
All three things I talked about above are important. But this one? The most important point of even being in a short-term fling is to have sex on demand.
Don’t believe me? Well, the truth is, anyone can be in a relationship just for sex. I know it sounds shocking, but this is the reality. And if not now, you will know I am right someday.
Naturally, when you are just using apps to hook up, it is not always safe. There are so many things that can go wrong.
As a result, it is best to find one person to have sex with during the holidays.
If you want to avoid getting sledged, then it is super important that you look for the signs in a new relationship.
Hopefully, with my help, you can identify whether your partner is sledging you or if you are in a real relationship with a potential future.
So, without wasting time, let’s look at the different signs that indicate you are getting sledged in a relationship:
Your partner doesn’t talk about the relationship’s future. And by future, I mean making plans beyond New Year’s Day or even Valentine’s Day.
The relationship is mostly physical. So, if both of you are always horny and discussing sex, it shows that apart from physical intimacy, you guys have nothing to talk about.
You guys don’t have a shared vision or values. As a result, if you guys don’t have anything real, then things aren’t looking that great for the relationship’s future.
Your partner lacks interest in your daily life - it’s just bad if you share about work, and your partner shuts you down. Moreover, the same is applicable specifically for moments where you are sharing your achievements with them. Are they happy or nonchalant?
It is possible that your partner expresses irritation or disgust when you do something that ticks them off - for example, heavy sighs and highly critical feedback.
Your partner isn’t really great at long-term relationships and has done this before. So, if you thought you were special, then think about their dating patterns.
Avoid Sledging, And Be Honest About Your Intentions:
I don’t want to sit on a high horse and defend sledging when I have been in multiple situationships for years.
Moreover, I am not going to invest time arguing how your partner is cruel and careless for ignoring your needs in a relationship, even if it’s a new equation.
Instead, I am here to acknowledge that modern love is hard and dating can get complicated. Rarely, it is something simple like falling into a trap and transforming into a victim - what I am saying is it’s as simple as black and white. It’s all grey, really.
Of course, it is easy to call everything toxic and move on. But the harsh reality is that situationships and sledging aren’t really the result of intentional cruelty.
Instead, it’s the result of avoidance and poor communication - and that too from both sides.
So, whether you realize you are the sledger or the one who is getting sledged, the solution is to be transparent about your feelings.
Moreover, you need to be honest about your expectations from a relationship. I know it’s easier said than done, but to avoid and delay would be more painful. So, let’s just put our best foot forward and practice cuffing, but in good faith.
Ghostlighting Is Toxic, And We Are Staying Away From It.
Ghoshtlighting is perhaps the most toxic dating trend out there - and the fact that it’s a trend speaks a lot about the present dating landscape. Scroll down for a complete breakdown.
Intentional dating isn’t what you think it is. Scroll down to understand how you can make your intentions clear to your match from Day 1 - it’s healthy, convenient, and ethical!
Most people say they want something serious. But very few people actually date as they do. No wonder there’s a gap. And that gap is where everything in modern dating goes wrong.
It starts with a simple lie. You tell yourself you’re “seeing where things go.” Yes, I know it is the easiest thing to do - it sounds relaxed, open, and so mature.
But most of the time, it’s avoidance.
You don’t say what you want because you don’t want to lose the person too early. So you stay flexible.
Moreover, it is better to adjust and wait. And then, a few weeks later, you’re confused. Not because they misled you.
Because you never made your position clear in the first place.
And while that is convenient for you, you forget that you might end up hurting someone because you weren’t clear about your intentions.
Yep! Meet intentional dating where you give clarity from the very beginning - and interestingly, more and more people are gravitating towards it.
Why? Because we are done with ghastly situationships, manipulative partners, and unnecessary cheating.
On that note, I am going to talk about dating with intentions - and how you can practice it in your love life for a healthy approach to modern dating.
What Is Intentional Dating?
Intentional dating is just honesty, applied early. That’s it.
There’s no framework or complicated rules. Instead, you know what you want. And more importantly, you are not afraid to say it.
Then you act as if it matters.
So, if you want something long-term, you don’t treat it like something casual. You don’t accept half-effort and hope it becomes more.
And if you don’t know what you want yet, you say that too. Clarity is the whole point - and as long as you are honest about your intentions, you are fine.
For me, personally, intentional dating is a much more stable and healthy approach to modern love - and I’ve always practised it in my life.
The Role Of Dating Apps Behind Intentional Dating:
The real problem is not dating apps. But people love blaming apps.
They say dating is broken because of too many options. The problem? Too much choice, but too little attention.
That’s not wrong. However, it’s not the main issue. The real problem is that people enter dating without a filter.
Instead of choosing, they react. Someone shows interest, so you continue.
But when someone pulls back, you chase. Also, if someone gives mixed signals, you try to decode them.
None of that is intentional. Instead, it’s just momentum.
While it is easy to understand the meaning of intentional dating, it is not always easy to practice it in real life. In that case, here’s my secret guide to practising intentional dating.
Don’t Let Attraction Confuse You:
Attraction will confuse you if you let it. This is where most people slip.
So, you meet someone. And it feels easy, there’s chemistry. Moreover, conversation flows. As a result, you end up assuming it means something.
It doesn’t. Not yet. The truth is, attraction is not alignment. You can feel strongly about someone who is completely wrong for you long-term.
Intentional dating means you don’t let early feelings make long-term decisions. So, the point is to slow down, to watch, and more importantly, to pay attention.
Notice The Patterns Early:
You have to notice patterns early, not red flags in the dramatic sense. But the small things.
For me, it’s a deal breaker if they cancel plans at the last minute. Once is fine. Twice, maybe. But if it becomes a pattern, that’s information.
Similarly, if they avoid certain conversations, it can be a deal breaker for you. They change the topic when things get real. They keep things light, even when it matters.
Again, information. Most people ignore this stage because they wait for something bigger to happen before they react.
But by then, they’re already attached. You will feel like you are “ruining it.” And this is the part no one tells you.
When you start dating intentionally, it feels like you’re doing something wrong.
You ask direct questions. You don’t go along with everything. Also, you step back when something feels off.
And suddenly, things end faster.
That’s the point. You are not ruining good connections. Instead, you are ending unclear ones earlier.
It only feels wrong because you’re used to dragging things out.
Draw Boundaries That Matter:
Boundaries are where this actually works or fails. You can know what you want and still not act on it.
That’s where most people get stuck. So, you say you want consistency, but you keep seeing someone who disappears for days.
Similarly, if you say you want honesty, but you ignore half-answers. Also, you say you want something real, but you accept something vague.
Intentional dating only works if your actions match your standards. Otherwise, it’s just a nice idea.
Avoid Interrogating People:
Frankly, you don’t need to interrogate people. This isn’t about turning dates into interviews.
You don’t need a checklist or a script. Instead, you just need to stay present.
Listen to how they talk about past relationships. Similarly, try to notice how they show up. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with them.
Do you feel calm? Or do you feel uncertain? Your body usually knows before your mind does.
Walk Away If Needed:
Remember, walking away is part of the process. You will meet people who are almost right. This is where it gets hard.
They’re kind. They’re interesting. You enjoy your time together. But something doesn’t fit.
Maybe your timelines don’t match. Maybe your communication styles clash. Moreover, it is also possible they’re not ready in the way you are.
Old patterns will tell you to stay.
Maybe it’ll work out, or maybe they’ll change. Also, the famous ‘maybe I’m overthinking.’
But that’s not how intentional dating works. It asks a different question: “Is this enough for me, as it is?”
If the answer is no, you already know what to do.
Don’t Exert Control:
It’s not about control. A lot of people think intentional dating means trying to control the outcome.
But, it’s the opposite. Because you can’t control how someone feels about you, you can’t force timing.
Also, you can’t guarantee it will work. But what you can control is your response.
You can choose what you accept. You can choose how long you stay. Also, you can choose when to leave.
That’s where the power is.
The result is not perfection. Of course, you will still get hurt. You will still misjudge people.
Moreover, you will still have moments where you ignore your own advice. That doesn’t change.
But what changes is how long you stay in the wrong situation - it shortens. And that alone makes dating feel very different.
Intentional Dating Is Here To Make You Forget Situationships:
Intentional dating is not impressive. It’s not aesthetic.
Also, it doesn’t make for great stories in the moment. But it saves you from the kind of confusion that keeps repeating itself.
And at some point, that matters more than anything else.
A late-night Hinge match turns into something harder to walk away from. A quiet, honest story about hesitation, timing, and choosing to stay when leaving would be easier.
