The 4 Stages Of Dating: Modern Love’s Changing Perspective

2025 is about to end - and if you still don’t know how to date, it’s completely fine. And I’ll tell you why.

My best friend ended her 12-year-old relationship a few months ago - and while it was completely heartbreaking, it was also important to understand that a comeback was absolutely necessary at this point.

My friend met her former partner 12 years ago in high school - her first everything in a romantic sense. Naturally, she didn’t get the space to explore anything romantic in the next decade. So, while being on dating apps and stepping out on dates seems normal to us, it wasn’t quite the same for her.

At 29, she was single for the first time since she was 17. Last week, over a cup of coffee, we spent an hour discussing how new the entire dating culture feels to her, especially in contrast to my love life - FYI, I met my boyfriend on Tinder nearly 7 years ago.

And then when I was coming back home, I realized that my friend wasn’t the only one - I’m sure, so many women don’t know how to date because they have invested so much time in long-drawn relationships.

It was only fair to address this in my blog on modern love - and here I’m to cover this emotionally intimate topic in detail.

How To Date? Dating With Logic

There are so many incompatible couples who choose to stay together and let the relationship run its course. But why? The answer is complex. It usually stems from a place of fear - it could be a fear of the unknown, change, or just being alone.

Also, it could stem from laziness - it’s like how we continue to stay at a job despite the toxic work culture, because it's comfortable.

Then some people seem to thrive on turmoil and unhappiness - and have never undergone contentment, experienced a healthy relationship, or been at peace. These people think it’s normal for a relationship to be unhealthy and toxic.

Moreover, I’ve also seen so many incompatible couples with terrible relationships working hard to fix things. But if your partner doesn’t treat you right and add value to your life, then how long can you continue to love them?

I think it's best not to live together for a certain amount of time, or co-mingle money, or even purchase things that cannot be divided. In fact, singles should try to be independent so that they can choose to leave if the relationship doesn’t work out.

You need some experience before you can find the ‘one.’ For me, jumping in too deep without testing the surface is not smart - dating without involving your brain might lead us to the wrong man, and that too for all the wrong reasons.

That is precisely why I am asking all singles to step up and take drastic action in their romantic lives. I am going to call it DWL: Dating With Logic.

Dating With Logic: What Is It?

So, what does Dating With Logic even mean?

Instead of using your feelings and instincts to act - much like animals - how about using your brain to make decisions about your dating life? I mean, aren’t humans much more evolved?

So, why not use your thoughtfulness, patience, mindfulness, and self-discipline to make decisions in your love life?

Once you start using logic to make romantic decisions, especially when you are just getting to know someone, you will automatically start making healthy choices.

That way, you will see red flags from miles ahead. The thing about red flags is: you can’t fix them. Your partner will come with them, and you will spend the next decade trying to solve them.

So, instead, you can opt for people you are compatible with and attracted to - these are the same people you can be friends with.

Once you can be friends with someone you are attracted to and are dating, your love life will become so much better.

Many, many years ago, I made a choice: after ending a painfully abusive relationship, I decided to never be with someone who pulls me down in the name of love. And the day I was about to draw that boundary, I took the first step towards finding the kind of love that lasts.

Hey, I can understand what you have been thinking - using logic and patience to make relationship choices is difficult. And most people shy away from doing it. But I think if you are conscious, you can do it. I did it - my friend is trying to do it. Why can’t you?

Having said that, here’s my guide on how to start the process with three stages of dating:

1. Pre-dating.
2. Dating.
3. Commitment.

Now, let’s look at these stages in detail.

How To Date? Stage One: Pre-Dating Scenes

In stage one, I’ve three tips for you - yep, just three:

1. Always be happy with the idea of ‘yourself’ - to experience happiness as an individual.
2. Be content with being alone - to be fine with the possibility of being on your own.
3. Keep things interesting in your life for yourself - to be busy pursuing things on your own.

1. Always Be Happy As An Individual:

This is very important.

You will never be a good partner if you are not able to love yourself first - and more importantly, respect yourself. Self-respect is the core of a healthy relationship, and you will have that only if you start loving yourself.

If you don’t value yourself, then you will never be able to move away from people who don’t respect you.

2. Be Content With Being Alone:

Again, I have seen so many people who just cannot be alone - in this case, single.

If you cannot spend time on your own, then it means you will not wait to find a healthy partner. Instead, you will settle for anyone just because you fear being alone. And this is toxic because it keeps setting you up for chaos - one messy man after another.

3. Stay Busy With Your Life:

Finally, this is yet another important point. Most people rush into relationships because they are too annoyed by being alone. Because they cannot be happy on their own and hate being alone, they end up rushing into something unhealthy.

The only way to avoid feeling like this is to keep things interesting and stay busy. If you pursue hobbies and have people around you, then you are less likely to rush into a toxic relationship. Ensure that your life is happy - doesn’t matter if you have a partner or not.

How To Date? Stage Two: Dating

In the second stage, I have four tips for you:

• Give people chances - especially the ones you usually don’t.
• Go on dates - and you should definitely step out on a few dates.
• Believe people when they show who they are - this includes the good and the bad.
• Don’t be easy with your heart - hold onto it.

1. Give People Chances:

I’ve seen this play out so many times.

Forget about your ‘types.’ The person who is compatible with you might not wear the kind of clothes you were hoping, doesn’t look like you thought about, or even live close by - but if they are decent, kind, and can hold a decent conversation with you, then why not give them a chance?

Moreover, so many people think that attraction has to be immediate. It is possible to become romantically attracted to someone after spending quality time with them, especially if they have a great personality or if you and they have a lot in common.

2. Go On Dates:

I’ve seen so many people come out of a long-standing relationship and go on a few dates before settling down again. I mean, that’s not going to work - what are the odds of finding someone good for you from two dates?

Moreover, some people don’t really know how to date - they just know how to be in a relationship.

Well, the thing is, if you like someone, then go out on a few dates - keep going out. There shouldn’t be any pressure to decide after two dates.

The moment you spot a few red flags coming out, stop stepping out. Moreover, it is also good to keep all your options open - check out what’s actually out there.

Even if you are dating someone, it does not mean you have to tell them that they are ‘The One.’ Spend time, be patient, and get to know each other. It’s like going on a test drive - instead of buying the car right away.

3. First Impressions Are Important:

If you step out a few times with someone and your date is always late, drinks way too much, overshares, or does anything that makes you uncomfortable, then just walk away.

I mean, first impressions are important, and if you find something that doesn’t sit well with you in the first few dates, you can rethink your decision. This way, you can save weeks, months, and years of exhaustion and misery.

4. Don’t Be Easy With Your Heart:

Don’t give up on your heart easily. Instead, let your date earn it. Moreover, be skeptical at first and keep those walls up until you feel safe bringing them down. Always remember that healthy relationships are known for compatibility, friendship, respect, and companionship.

Also, if your date tries to rush the whole thing and keeps on putting pressure on you, then they do not have your best interests at heart - that’s not love. Rather, it's the fear of being alone.

How To Date? Stage 3: Getting Serious And Potential Commitment

In the third and final stage, I’ve only two major tips for you:

• Don’t rush commitment - rather ease into it.
• Commit and build a relationship - but take it easy atleast initially.

1. Don’t Rush Commitment (Ease Into It):

Commitment is crucial - it means you are off the market. And you want to go out with your date exclusively. For me, it’s a big deal - so don’t rush into it. As a result, it's best to treat your monogamous commitment like a big deal too - or at least give it some thought.

2. Commit, But Don’t Forget To Take It Easy:

Exclusivity is good - but again, it’s a huge deal. So, once you commit, take it easy - date, fall in love, spend time. But remember, don’t rush it - don’t take impulsive decisions and end up moving together too soon.

Moreover, it’s also best to avoid buying something major together or adopting a pet. I think you should at least date for two years or more before you can decide on a lifelong commitment - don’t take major decisions based on sparks and impulse.

How To Find Someone To Date?

Meeting someone for the first time can be somewhat daunting - particularly if you have opinions, boundaries, and options.

So, whether you are feeling like the only single person around you or surrounded by loved ones, the search for ‘The One’ can be both overwhelming and exciting. Having said that, here’s how you can find someone to date - where do you look for ‘The One’

1. Dating Apps:

I met my boyfriend on a dating app - and I’m not the only one. The Knot conducted a survey in 2021 that found that one in four couples met on a dating app.

And there are so many dating apps that you can check out to find what you are looking for. In this context, check out my list of the most underrated (but really good) dating apps.

2. Go To Events:

Going to parties, gatherings, and social events is a great way to meet someone cute. Moreover, step out and enjoy - you will automatically attract the right crowd.

Also, this is an excellent way to meet new people, network, and even make a few friends. So, the next time you get an invite, don’t say ‘no.’ Also, you can consider volunteering at charity events - it’s not just a fun way to help out, but you could also meet up with others.

3. Be Open To Suggestions:

When you are single, chances are your family and friends will try giving suggestions and even setting you up. Well, why not take those suggestions and let them set you up?

Moreover, if they introduce you to someone, be open to it - you never know, you might end up meeting someone special in the most unexpected ways.

How To Date? Always With Logic!

Dating does not have to be complex - it just has to be authentic. So, whether you are diving into it headfirst for the first time or brushing up on how to date, just remember that anything real can only grow from effort, honesty, and patience.

While my guide on dating is only meant to help, remember it’s not written to pressurize you into changing your relationship status from ‘single’ to ‘committed’ overnight. Just take one step at a time, trust your gut, and enjoy the moment when it comes.

Essentially, dry dating is about knowing someone within a romantic set-up without indulging in alcohol. This is a shift in the dating landscape and has managed to gain a significant amount of popularity. 

Post-COVID, this trend started gaining traction with millennials and Gen Zs switching to a healthier lifestyle. It is also about seeking a deep emotional connection by participating in sober meet-ups and dates. That way, you can understand potential partners better in the absence of external distractions. 

Dry dating is a wholesome and refreshing approach in the modern dating landscape. This is because it offers people the space to build genuine connections. Moreover, it creates the space to know people better and have meaningful conversations. 

In addition, dry dating also offers a safer and more responsible space to meet new people and interact with them. As per Bumble’s survey, 34% of respondents across the globe said that they are more likely to go on dry dates now as compared to pre-COVID years. 

This approach easily aligns with the present health-conscious mindset in the youth since it promotes conscious and mindful drinking. No wonder it’s quickly gaining popularity, especially amongst the younger crowd. 

The Rise Of Dry Dating: Why Are So Many People Turning To Dry Dating?

Sobriety comes with multiple benefits - from avoiding excruciating hangovers and saving money to improving mental and physical health.

With more and more people embracing an alcohol-free life, the world of first-date small talks and Bumble meetings is now under influence. 

In this context, Catherine Gray, the author of The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, said, “Alcohol confuses how we feel about our date. Frequently on the 7pm first drink we’ll think ‘meh.’ On the second drink, ‘meh’ is a little more mesmerising. Rinse and repeat four times, and suddenly you’re heavy petting someone you wouldn’t even ordinarily lightly pet.”

This is true considering the modern dating landscape is full of stories of first dates that typically involve drinking until someone is drunk enough to suggest going back to their home. 

In contrast, sober dating is a conscious approach towards avoiding such situations - you don’t need drunk courage and impulsivity to make this choice. Moreover, drinking is not really cheap - if you factor in the expenses, then it's only normal for youngsters to ditch alcohol in this economy. 

Plus, we spend so much time at work that it doesn’t make any sense to drink with a stranger on a date and go to work hungover the next day. 

While going to work all hungover from the night before is bad, people are also starting to avoid drinking with people they would not like if they were sober. Time is of value - and spending it with someone you actually like is so much better. 

On this note, Gray also adds, “Sober dating saves immense time and money. A quick walk along the river at lunchtime will tell you everything you need to know.” 

What Are The Benefits Of Dry Dating?

Of course, there are no benefits of drinking alcohol - it’s given. I mean, it’s like smoking - if you do it, you already know it’s killing you. 

Similarly, ditching alcohol is always a good idea. But most of us do it because it’s just one of those fun things - easily addictive when you have some financial independence. 

And when you add dating to the mix, it becomes your best shot to avoid awkwardness on the first date. But with more and more people embracing sobriety and dating without ordering alcohol.

Let’s look at the major benefits of doing so in the modern dating landscape.

1. On sober dates, you can avoid alcohol-induced vulnerability and oversharing that often leads to regret the day after. 

2. Without alcohol on your dates, you can engage with your date with relatively more stable energy levels. 

3. You can assess more consciously and clearly the physical and emotional chemistry with your date, thanks to alcohol-free dates. 

4. Without alcohol in the picture, you can think beyond conventional alcohol-centric spots and activities. 

How To Navigate Dry Dating? How To Date Without Alcohol?

While it might seem easy to navigate dry dating, the reality is starkly different. My friend Priya signed up on Tinder after coming out of a serious relationship. Everyone who asked her out in the first ten days on the app wanted to drink. 

I was surprised to hear about this, considering she has already marked her preferences on her profile. And when I read the conversations, I realized most people wanted to use alcohol to ensure she gets intimate with them. 

So the problem is - it might be difficult to date without alcohol, considering it’s the gateway to instant intimacy. But that doesn’t mean we are giving up - and based on that, here’s my two cents on navigating a sober dating landscape. 

1. Take Charge Of The Situation

Before you can start practicing dry dating, you need to discuss it with your date. It is so important to take charge of the situation and select date activities that have nothing to do with alcohol. 

2. Calm Yourself In Some Other Ways

I know so many people (including myself) who prefer drinking a little before going on a date to calm the f**k down - especially if it's someone special. 

However, there is more than one way to calm your nerves - situations that ideally don’t need any alcohol. For instance, you can try journaling, stretches, breathing exercises, and even micro-mediation. Also, you can chat with your friends to calm down. 

3. Do Your Research About Where You Are Going

If your date picks the location, then you should do some research on the designated place before you step out to meet them. 

This way, you will be able to explore different sober-friendly options that you can check out at the location - even if you are going to a bar or a restaurant. But if you are uncomfortable with this suggestion, then you can counter the plan with your own idea. 

4. Communicate Your Preferences

Talking about something personal with a relative stranger might not feel organic - it feels eerily close to floodlighting. But when it comes to things like alcohol preferences, it is important to talk about your preferences with your date, even if you just met them. 

If your date appears to be visibly uncomfortable with your preferences, then it’s a huge red flag. Moreover, the advantage of communicating your preferences from the beginning is that it will help you find out if you have a potential future with your date.

5. Opt For Activities On Your Dates

Once you and your date have decided to be sober on your dates, it’s best to plan activities that don’t revolve around drinking. For instance, you can meet for coffee at a cosy cafe, go bowling, or just take a nice walk in a park. 

TBH, you have endless options at your disposal. And the best part? These ideas are usually fun and are not very different from alcohol-induced enjoyment. 

Creative Alcohol-Free Date Ideas

Before you start practicing dry dating, it is good to research some ideas - activities that you can do with your date and that don’t involve alcohol. Fortunately, I’ve compiled a list of sober date ideas that can help you start out:

1. Comedy Night:

Without alcohol on your date, it is possible to get awkward with all the customary small talk - and it might get even more difficult to move the conversation. Imagine the conversation revolving around self-care, laundry, work, and the like. 

That is why you need activities that will set the mood right - how about a comedy show? It will give both of you a good laugh and will be the perfect ice-breaker as well, especially if you guys are meeting for the first time.

2. Sober Dancing:

Who says you can’t go dancing without getting drunk first? There are so many sober bars and clubs cropping up at all the prime spots in metropolitan cities. The best part? These bars will let you guys have a great experience without getting you drunk. 

Moreover, these clubs often serve non-alcoholic beverages and small bites. Plus, dancing is a pretty cool way of connecting with your date. Also, it will help you gauge whether you guys have some chemistry. 

3. Decadent Dessert Date:

There are so many people who prefer stepping out for drinks on dates simply because there is no pressure to hang out if they fail to click with their dates after drinking. 

For anyone who wants to avoid alcohol, you can consider stepping out casually for desserts and ice cream. It’s a good idea to try and know someone better - over some decadent desserts!

4. Outdoor Dates:

Once you venture into the dry dating landscape, you must give a chance to innovative date activities that involve the outdoors. For instance, you can go hiking on your first date - it gives a different type of high, leaving your adrenaline pumping. 

Moreover, it's a magical - not to mention, romantic - idea to check out a scenic location together. Also, if you think it's a little too forward to go on a hike on the first date, consider going for a picnic in the park or the botanical gardens. 

5. Amusement Park Dates:

I love amusement parks - and planning a date in one sounds like so much fun. Much like comedy night, it's perfect for breaking the ice. 

Moreover, amusement parks have so much to offer in terms of activities. The best part? You have so much to do, and that too sober. For instance, you can have fun at the rides, take cheesy pictures, and enjoy some good food!

6. Check Out A Local Farmer’s Market:

Local farmer markets are great - and it’s a great option for the first date. Just get some coffee, explore the market, and you can buy stuff as well. In fact, if the date works out well, then you can do something else together after you're done checking the market. 

Moreover, another good idea to follow up is taking your date home and cooking together - who needs alcohol to break the ice? Just go check out a farmer’s market, buy some produce, and cook your date a meal. 

7. Play Fun Sports Like Mini-Golf And Ping-Pong:

You don’t need to ‘love’ sports to have fun bowling or playing min-golf on the first date. I’ve gone on dates where I have played ping pong with my date, and it was super cool. 

For starters, it broke the ice, and it was just so fun. Also, you can consider visiting an arcade to show your skills and compete with your date.