The first time it happens, it doesn’t feel like a red flag. Instead, it feels like progress.

They are so consistent, you will be shocked. They text first. Also, they remember small details.

Suddenly, plans start to sound real, not hypothetical. You are not guessing where you stand every day, which already feels like a win.

And then, almost without a clear moment you can point to, things start to shift.

Replies take longer. Plans get pushed. The tone changes, but just enough that you question yourself before you question them.

That slow build, followed by a quiet pullback, is what people are starting to call snowmanning.

TBH, it is yet another variant of seasonal situationships after sledging and cuffing. Of course, I detest these trends, but that doesn’t mean I won’t share my two cents on them.

You have to understand that in my early 20s, I had nothing except a few online blogs to guide me as I navigated modern love and relationships in a cosmopolitan city at one corner of the globe.

Now, I’m here to join those blogs and help young and active daters figure out the intricacies and complexities of modern love - and not dissecting dating trends would be wrong in that case.

So, here I am, all set to break down snowmanning and, more importantly, highlight the psychology behind it.

Stay tuned.

What Snowmanning Actually Looks Like?

Unlike ghosting, which is abrupt, snowmanning is gradual.

It’s not someone disappearing overnight. It’s someone slowly reducing effort after building a certain level of connection.

So, you can think of it like this:

• In the beginning, they show up fully.
• Then they start showing up… slightly less.
• Then just enough to keep things from ending.

There’s no clear break. No clean ending. Just a steady decline. And that’s what makes it confusing.

Because technically, they are still there.

Why It Feels So Hard To Call Out?

If someone ghosts you, it hurts, but it’s clear. However, with snowmanning, you are left in a grey area.

You start asking yourself small questions:

• “Am I overthinking this?”
• “Maybe they’re just busy?”
• “It’s not that different, right?”

The change is subtle enough that you adjust to it in real time. Moreover, you accept slightly slower replies. Then plans begin to get cancelled, followed by shorter conversations.

As a result, by the time you fully notice the shift, the dynamic has already changed.

The Psychology Behind It (Without Overcomplicating It):

Most people who do this aren’t sitting there planning it. It usually comes from a mix of interest and uncertainty.

At the start, they are curious, engaged, and open to where things might go. So they show up fully.

But as things get a bit more real, something shifts.

Maybe they lose interest. Maybe they are not ready for something consistent. Also, maybe they just like the attention, but not the responsibility that comes with it.

Instead of ending things clearly, they ease out. Not because it’s kind, but because it’s easier.

The Part That Messes With You:

Snowmanning creates false continuity. Because the connection was real at one point, you keep referencing that version of them.

You think, “they were so consistent before,” or “we had such good conversations.”

So, instead of responding to how they’re showing up now, you hold onto how they showed up then.

That gap between past effort and current effort keeps you invested longer than you should be.

How It’s Different From Breadcrumbing?

This is where people get confused. Breadcrumbing is usually low-effort from the start. It never really builds into anything solid.

Snowmanning is different because it does start strong. There is real effort in the beginning. And that’s what makes the shift feel so noticeable later.

With breadcrumbing, you are unsure from day one. However, with snowmanning, you are sure, until you’re not.

Signs You Are Experiencing Snowmanning:

It’s not one big sign. It’s a pattern.

• They used to initiate often, but now you’re the one carrying on conversations.
• Plans go from specific to vague.
• Replies feel shorter, less engaged.
• You feel slightly anxious more often, even if nothing “big” happened.
• You keep justifying their behavior instead of questioning it.

Individually, these things seem small. But together? They tell a story.

Also Check: Pebbling In Dating: The Small Gesture That Builds Real Connection

What You Can Do About It?

This is the part where people either overreact or underreact.

You don’t need to confront them aggressively. But you also shouldn’t ignore the shift. As a result, it is best to begin by adjusting your own energy.

If they’re pulling back, don’t overcompensate by trying harder. That usually creates an imbalance.

Instead, match their effort for a bit and observe. So, if the gap becomes obvious, you have your answer.

And if you need clarity, ask for it directly. Not in an emotional way, just clearly: “Hey, I feel like things have slowed down a bit. Is that just me, or are you not as into this anymore?”

Their response, or lack of one, will tell you more than their earlier behavior ever did.

A Small But Important Reality Check:

Not every shift in behavior is snowmanning.

Of course, people can get busy. Moreover, energy does fluctuate. Here, the difference is consistency over time.

As a result, if the reduced effort becomes the new normal, it’s not a phase. Instead, it’s a change. And it’s important to respond to what’s real now, not what used to be.

Why Naming It Helps?

You don’t need a label to understand behavior. Of course, that is given - personally, I am not a big fan of labels, especially when it comes to toxic dating trends.

But sometimes, having a word for something helps you step back and see it clearly.

Snowmanning gives shape to a pattern that a lot of people experience but struggle to explain.

Also, once you see it, it’s harder to ignore. Plus, if you think about it, the hardest part about snowmanning is not the distance.

It’s the memory of how close things felt before. But relationships aren’t built on past versions of someone. Instead, they are built on how they show up now. And if that effort keeps shrinking, you’re allowed to stop holding it together on your own.

Additional Resource: Monkey Barring: The Newest ‘Toxic’ Dating Trend That Is Screwing Us Up!

Frankly, I had no idea what Sledging was all about - at least inside the dating dictionary.

Interestingly, while I was doing some research on the infamous cuffing season, I stumbled upon its evil twin, Sledging.

This toxic variant of cuffing season refers to the act of getting involved with someone romantically while intending to end things by the time winter ends.

While there is nothing harmful about seasonal flings, the problem with this dating trend is that one person is completely unaware of their partner’s true intentions.

So, while one partner has no knowledge that their love story has an expiry date, the other person is mentally prepared to let the relationship go at the end of winter - not that fair, right?

While this is something relatable and most of us have been in winter flings that didn’t end well, I had no idea that this was a dating trend.

But now that I know, there’s no way I’m not gonna talk about it.

In this blog, I’ll break down this toxic dating trend, dissecting why it happens, the psychology behind it, and most importantly, where to draw the line.

Stay tuned.

What Is Sledging?

The term ‘Sledging’ has been derived from the literal action of dragging a British ‘sledge’  through snow.

In this case, the implication is that a sledger is dragging you along through snow during winter with any actual intention of building something meaningful.

Interestingly, many of us are under the impression that cuffing season usually arrives with fall and winter and ends with spring or summer.

But there seems to be a primary distinction between sledging and cuffing.

Cuffing relationships are mostly open-ended with the potential to progress into something long-term that can last beyond winter. So, while the cuffing season organically ends before spring or summer, the actual distinction is all about intent.

If the plan was to simply end things at the end of winter, so you are not alone during the holidays, then that is not cuffing. Instead, it’s sledging.

Having said that, I do think that in the majority of cases, it is not as sadistic as it might sound right now.

The Role Of Intention:

Of course, it is difficult to prove your intention always. More importantly, sometimes it can get more difficult to identify intent, even if it's inside you.

Also, this is especially true when it involves anything as emotionally fraught and nuanced as modern love and relationships.

In that case, the question to ask would be: Are you getting into relationships during cuffing season with the premeditated and active intention of ending things after a few months, while hiding your true intentions from your partner?

Perhaps, you are. And if you are, then you are sledging - it is not only toxic but downright harmful.

However, in most cases, the person who is sledging is not even consciously aware of what they are doing, at least not entirely.

As a result, the person who is getting sledged in the relationship is also the one who identifies it. Moreover, this is just a more refined form of a seasonal situationship.

Similarly, in any situation, the person who calls it so is the one who is more invested and feels like they are not getting all that they deserve.

Also, this is the same person who feels led on, much like how someone who is getting sledged feels.

The other person in the relationship is just going to explain this as ‘dating’ and how they are ‘casually hanging out,’

To summarize, the person hoping for a cuffing season relationship to turn into something long-term is the one who ends up getting sledged. And the sledger? For them, it’s a seasonal fling that has run its course (a course that was supposed to last for a few months as intended from the very beginning)

Is Your ‘New’ Boyfriend Sledging? Here’s Why!

According to a survey by Happn featuring more than 600 active daters aged 18 to 25, 15% of participants led on their seasonal partners to avoid annoying statements like ‘why are you still single?’ Other reasons include companionship and sex.

Moreover, 50% of people who have done sledging said that they need a companion for cuddling during winter.

Similarly, 60% sledgers said that they wanted someone they could sleep with, A.K.A have sex with. Also, 40% sledgers claimed that they just didn’t want to be alone.

Regardless of the season, there are multiple reasons why someone can opt for a seasonal fling.

While the cold temperatures and holiday seasons only act as catalysts, here’s why people actively participate in sledging every year:

1. The Need To Not Be Alone:

It just feels shitty when you are alone, and everyone around you is enjoying the holidays with someone special.

And you? Stuck with Chinese takeout, stupid television, and an ache in your belly that you know stems from loneliness.

It is only normal to install Hinge and scroll through a few options that can distract you enough for the holidays to pass - I get it!

2. Having A Date For Events And Parties: 

As a 29-year-old, I can tell you that those holiday parties that are still tolerable at 25 are going to be your nightmare in five more years.

For starters, nobody really likes each other, and it feels so much better to have a companion by your side. And it’s fine if the relationship won't last.

TBH, it should last long enough for people not to notice how you have turned up alone when you are of a ‘marriageable age.’

3. Having A Warm Body To Cuddle With:

Sure, you can buy yourself a thick coat or a fancy electric blanket to stay warm during winter.

But your thick coat and electric blanket will not cuddle with you, or hold your hand, or take you out on weekends.

I really understand that most people end up getting into relationships during winter because they get lonely.

And nobody wants to be alone in their bed with a freezing pillow to hold. Instead, you need another human being beside you to cuddle with!

4. The Need For Sex On Demand:

All three things I talked about above are important. But this one? The most important point of even being in a short-term fling is to have sex on demand.

Don’t believe me? Well, the truth is, anyone can be in a relationship just for sex. I know it sounds shocking, but this is the reality. And if not now, you will know I am right someday.

Naturally, when you are just using apps to hook up, it is not always safe. There are so many things that can go wrong.

As a result, it is best to find one person to have sex with during the holidays.

Also Check: Shrekking: The Dating Trend For People Who Are Tired Of Trying Too Hard

Signs You Are Getting Sledged:

If you want to avoid getting sledged, then it is super important that you look for the signs in a new relationship.

Hopefully, with my help, you can identify whether your partner is sledging you or if you are in a real relationship with a potential future.

So, without wasting time, let’s look at the different signs that indicate you are getting sledged in a relationship:

• Your partner doesn’t talk about the relationship’s future. And by future, I mean making plans beyond New Year’s Day or even Valentine’s Day.

• The relationship is mostly physical. So, if both of you are always horny and discussing sex, it shows that apart from physical intimacy, you guys have nothing to talk about.

• You guys don’t have a shared vision or values. As a result, if you guys don’t have anything real, then things aren’t looking that great for the relationship’s future.

• Your partner lacks interest in your daily life - it’s just bad if you share about work, and your partner shuts you down. Moreover, the same is applicable specifically for moments where you are sharing your achievements with them. Are they happy or nonchalant?

• It is possible that your partner expresses irritation or disgust when you do something that ticks them off - for example, heavy sighs and highly critical feedback.

• Your partner isn’t really great at long-term relationships and has done this before. So, if you thought you were special, then think about their dating patterns.

Avoid Sledging, And Be Honest About Your Intentions:

I don’t want to sit on a high horse and defend sledging when I have been in multiple situationships for years.

Moreover, I am not going to invest time arguing how your partner is cruel and careless for ignoring your needs in a relationship, even if it’s a new equation.

Instead, I am here to acknowledge that modern love is hard and dating can get complicated. Rarely, it is something simple like falling into a trap and transforming into a victim - what I am saying is it’s as simple as black and white. It’s all grey, really.

Of course, it is easy to call everything toxic and move on. But the harsh reality is that situationships and sledging aren’t really the result of intentional cruelty.

Instead, it’s the result of avoidance and poor communication - and that too from both sides.

So, whether you realize you are the sledger or the one who is getting sledged, the solution is to be transparent about your feelings.

Moreover, you need to be honest about your expectations from a relationship. I know it’s easier said than done, but to avoid and delay would be more painful. So, let’s just put our best foot forward and practice cuffing, but in good faith.