I’m someone who almost always thinks modern-day labels are somewhat ridiculous. But for a change, I think labels like ‘black cat boyfriend,’ or ‘golden retriever boyfriend ’ make a lot of sense.
There is a significant difference between golden retrievers and black cat boyfriends – and some of us might be attracted to golden retrievers, others (including me) are into black cat energy. While these boyfriend archetypes aren’t really new, the internet is suddenly abuzz with everyone’s new favorite black cat. Yes, I’m talking about Conrad Fisher from The Summer I Turned Pretty.
And Conrad is making a strong case for black cat energy – and why so many of us are in love with this energy. So, if you did not resonate with the whole golden retriever boyfriend trend that started last Summer, you are not the only one.
Meet black cat boyfriends – the exact opposite of golden retriever boyfriends. Today, I’m going to dissect this trend and figure out why we are collectively yearning for brooding men. Stay tuned.
What Is A Black Cat Boyfriend?
Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries, Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl, Marcus from Ginny & Georgia, and, of course, Conrad Fisher from The Summer I Turned Pretty all have one trait in common – all of them are black cats!
All of these guys are predominantly sad and emotional with huge hearts, often characterized by their quiet, mysterious, broody, and protective nature.
For an outsider, these guys might appear to be aloof – it’s almost as if they don’t care much about anything. Interestingly, this becomes even more true when these guys are in a romantic relationship.
Remember how Conrad didn’t tell Belly he loved her for years – and now, she is getting married. Yep, typically black cat energy. If anything, the strongest quality of such men happens to be their emotional depth – and not the lack of it.
But it all depends on one thing – can he bring down those walls and finally tell you how he feels? He probably will, but hopefully you are patient enough to wait.
Black Cat Vs Golden Retriever Boyfriends: At A Glance
In contrast, Golden Retriever boyfriends like Ken from Barbie, Nate Archibald from Gossip Girls, Dean from Gilmore Girls, and obviously Jeremiah Fisher from The Summer I Turned Pretty are all outgoing and endlessly affectionate.
Their easy-going, warm nature makes it pretty easy to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Also, these guys are predictable and consistent – which isn’t really a bad thing, but at times, it can feel somewhat surface-level.
Moreover, the term in general (and mostly the online discourse around it) typically focuses on boyfriends and husbands, thanks to timely examples in pop culture like Conrad and Marcus. The truth, however, is different – this archetype is not limited to the male gender.
I mean, I am sure you have seen how black cat girlfriends are also trending, showing this trope and dynamic actually resonates beyond heterosexual archetypes.
Why Black Cat Boyfriends Have Our Attention?
Come on, ladies – you already know the answer, don’t you?
Mystery is perhaps the sexiest thing out there – and when you add some Darcy-like broody behavior into the mix, falling in love with them becomes inevitable. But of course, there is much more to this intense attraction.
While we have championed golden retriever vibes for the longest time, we are starting to see a major shift in what people look for in their partners. Truth be told, it’s not that I don’t like being with someone fun and light. But having said that, qualities like security, vulnerability, and emotional depth are non-negotiable qualities.
Moreover, in an algorithm dating world, it is just not a mere coincidence that so many people are into something more real and deeper.
Of course, that doesn’t mean a golden retriever man will not be able to do all of it – the whole ‘nice guys always finish last’ logic is not entirely true.
But pop culture examples everywhere are starting conversations around how your love needn’t be showy and big to be true. Instead, people are obsessing over how love often shows up in intimate, quiet ways – a glance across the room or a subtle compliment.
In addition, it is crucial to understand that a black cat man will not try to impress you with something over the top. But rather, it is their consistent, steady presence standing behind you like a rock – and TBH, that’s all that matters in the long run.
Also, we are all for slow-burn romances – and black cats are the kings of slow-burn. Plus, this sort of emphasis on emotional depth and vulnerability is actually erasing performative masculinity from the present. And haven’t we all been waiting for that to happen for the longest time?
The Elusive ‘Sad/Bad Boy’ Trope And Our Obsession With It
Years and years ago, when Jenny Han hadn’t even thought about writing The Summer I Turned Pretty, the black cat boyfriend trope was ruling television – except at the time, it was called the sad boy/bad boy trope.
And the OG sad boys?
- Lucas Scott from One Tree Hill (MY FAVORITE).
- Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl.
- Jess Mariano from Gilmore Girls.
- Damon Salvatore from Vampire Diaries.
Truth be told, I’ve always been a sucker for the quiet or troubled boy with a golden heart who feels so much that shutting themselves down feels like a better option.
Also, it has always been about choosing between the sensible choice and the elusive troubled boy. For instance, Elena picked Damon over Stefan, and Payton picked Lucas over Nathan. And decades later. Belly is facing the same choice – the easy-to-decode Jeremiah, or the brooding Conrad?
The Fall Of Performative Masculinity:
When Bad Bunny’s song DTMF began blowing up on social media, a video of the artist crying became viral in January. And that triggered conversations around performative masculinity, vulnerability in men, and emotion.
In this context, Sheldon Jacobs, a professional therapist who is a part of the National Alliance on Mental Illness Board of Directors, told USA Today, “Bad Bunny signals to young men that it’s not only acceptable, but also healthy to confront and express their feelings, which is something that men and young boys haven’t been taught to do. It’s really pushing and challenging those cultural norms.”
Moreover, mental health professionals have talked about how it is vital for men and boys to understand the value of expressing emotions, which often contributes to improved mental wellness and long-lasting relationships.
On that note, Ronald Levant, psychology professor at The University of Akron, said to USA Today, “It’s breaking the masculine code, stepping out of the man box, and saying, ‘Yeah, I’m vulnerable.”
You Can’t Always Fix An Emotionally Unavailable Man
While black cat boyfriends are trending, thanks to Conrad Fisher (and his elusive hotness). And we have always been sucker for emotionally unavailable men – but the truth? It is really dangerous (and somewhat toxic) to romanticize men who are emotionally unavailable.
This innate desire that you feel to fix him or just help him is the problem, and it usually happens when you get closer to someone. In reality, the person in question might just prefer space – in simple terms, they would want to be left alone to sulk.
So, when he is upset and shuts himself down – he is probably inside a room sulking, and you want to help him. Girl, don’t – let him rot. He will come back to you when he is done sulking.
Also, it is possible that it might sound very intriguing to pursue a moody, mysterious man – but he mightn’t be available emotionally. And trust me, it is not on you to change him. He will fix himself if you really matter to him.
Of course, redemption arcs are possible – remember, Blair married Chuck, Payton married Lucas, and Elena married Damon. And chances are Conrad is going to get the girl this September.
Can Black Cat Boyfriends Become Toxic?
While genuine (and authentic) black cat energy is appealing in an obvious sort of way, it can get really dangerous. How? Well, when someone makes this energy their free pass for glorifying avoidant attachment styles.
This is also true for people who use this energy to limit communication – I’m sorry, but I’m not going to mistake someone’s toxic behavioural patterns for romantic and emotional depth.
The worst part? Black cat vibes might appear harmless initially. But it does have a strong potential for normalizing unhealthy relationships and behavioral patterns. Moreover, it can also glorify avoidant behavior and emotional unavailability as charming traits in men.
Also, such a dynamic can lead to emotional inequalities with one partner always in charge of fixing the other.
Moreover, this can cause burnout, thanks to one partner’s perpetual tolerance for toxic behavior. Plus, don’t you think it can act as a cover for incompatibility between two people? No, opposites don’t always attract.
In addition, black cat energy might even reinstate gendered and toxic heteronormative relationship stereotypes. This trend ends up positioning men as the brooding, unwavering protectors who only express emotions when they are alone. And women? Loving, patient, and caring.
Basically, the trend replays the conventional (and ancient) narrative that beauty does tame the beast. While doing so, the trend takes away accountability from a man to be open emotionally in a romantic relationship.
The healthiest thing that you can do is build a relationship based on healthy communication, mutual respect, and emotional intimacy.
Can A Relationship With A Black Cat Boyfriend Work Out?
It doesn’t matter what boyfriend trope you are into; a healthy and successful relationship needs honesty and consistency. The major issue with a black cat is that they are very capable of being honest and consistent; their walls are always too high – hence, the drama.
For instance, let’s look at Belly and Conrad. Our favorite black cat, Conrad, lacks honesty and communication – and that has always spoiled everything for the two. Obviously, Belly cannot read what is going on in his mind. In contrast, Jeremiah is easy to be with – Belly doesn’t even have to decode what’s happening inside Jeremiah’s head.
As a result, entering and even maintaining such a dialogue could take some time and lots of patience that you were probably prepared to invest. However, once you open the communication lines, there’s no reason why you cannot build something real and lasting.
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